Read this first…

Before you arrive with wildly optimistic expectations…

Here’s what we have, what we haven’t and the things you need to know before loading the car. Read it now. Saves us both a conversation later.

 

Are we your sort of campsite?

We guarantee great views, fresh air and goats. Sunshine remains outside our control. Every pitch has a great view. Unless you close your eyes.

 

Tents and small campervans are welcome. No caravans or large motorhomes. No exceptions. Vehicle length limit: 7 metres. If yours is longer, you already know.

 

Our facilities are rustic and basic, but clean — unless the weather goes biblical. We have two showers. If everyone wants one at 10 am, bring patience. The main toilets and showers involve a steep hill; please talk to us about access before booking if that could be a problem.

 

No reception. No evening entertainment. No hard standings. No electric hook-up. No pool. Unless you count puddles. The ducks do.

 

No allocated pitch numbers or marked-out boxes, and no reserving a particular spot. Your booking secures your space; choose where you’d like to pitch when you arrive. You can park where you pitch. Unless you have a ten-car convoy.

 

Camping is charged per human, per night — not per tent, van or inflatable unicorn. Three tents with one human in each can go on one booking. Glamping is per bell tent. Obviously.

 

Getting here without questioning every life choice

We are about ten minutes from the main road. The last bit involves lanes narrow enough to make you question your life choices, but the views are worth it. Use our Directions page: Google has a talent for finding every route apart from the easiest one.

 

There’s no reception desk. Use the self check-in board when you arrive. If you need us, use the number provided or the doorbell.

 

Late arrivals are fine, but aim to arrive before dark. After dark, park near the entrance and move in the morning. Your headlights in somebody else’s tent are not the evening entertainment.

 

Please use common sense when contacting us. A missing tin opener at 10 pm can wait. After 8 pm, emergencies only. We are a family, not a 24-hour reception team.

 

Bringing your humans and dogs

We like dogs. We like kids. We like the sound of them having fun — within reason.

 

We love children exploring. Left unsupervised, possibly in a wolfpack, they develop an impressive talent for boundary testing. Trust me. So do mine.

 

Quiet time is from 11 pm. Yes, we mean you. Noise travels, and families are staying here: keep your feckin foul language out of other people’s earshot. We all swear. There’s a time and a place.

 

Groups are welcome if they respect the peace. Parties need a whole-site booking for two nights. Disturb the peace after 11 pm or play music and you may be asked to leave.

 

Obnoxious people are not welcome. If you think you might be one, this may not be your place. No sense of humour? Probably also not your place.

 

If you have a loud domestic, we may offer a bucket of cold water. You have been warned.

 

Fire, food and forgotten toothpaste

Disposable barbecues are banned. Please singe the grass as little as possible. It does not grow back faster just because you apologised.

 

There’s no electric hook-up, but charging lockers are available in the honesty shop. There is a plug outside the shower cabin for inflating air beds.

 

Takeaway and grocery deliveries are welcome. The pub is close: check the Palk Arms’ opening times before attempting the walk of thirst.

 

Glamping guests: bring your bedding and towels. The bell tent does not come with a telepathic packing service.

 

The boring but necessary bits

Check the Tariff page for current charges and arrival and departure times, and read the booking terms before booking.

 

No discounts unless we offer them. Haggling will not work. Ever.

 

Constructive feedback is welcome. Tell us while you’re here so we have a chance to help. We cannot change the weather, our location, gravity or other people’s children and dogs.

 

Please step away from the myth that campsites make millions. We run a service, make a little on top, work other jobs, pay bills, raise a family and keep this place going because we love it.

 

Basically…

Do not take the p#!ss. Have a sense of humour. Use common sense. Enjoy the space. Remember we are all human. If that sounds like you, we will get on just fine.

 

Still here? Excellent. You are probably our sort of people.

 

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